: Hi Robb;

: One thing you've got to realize is that these people could care less about
: your projects and their completion. They are looking for solutions to
: THEIR problems.

: I have been facing the same dilemma . . . I get (easily) a half-dozen calls a
: day from "friends" in need of some form of help, much of it
: computer related, and the amount of time they can consume is staggering -
: - Especially when you consider that it is time we have set aside for
: getting something of personal importance done. Add an unannounced visit or
: two per day, and we could spend our lives providing free support on a
: variety of disciplines . . . and never finish (begin?) our own projects!

: My visiting in-laws just commented today how nice it is that so many people
: call and visit me during the day, and I just groaned. I want to be a good
: person and disseminate info I've managed to accumulate, but one-on-one
: might not be the best way - - It takes too much time. If you personally
: don't have published articles or web pages you can refer them to (and few
: of us have covered all bases), perhaps throwing the ball in their court
: and suggesting (admonishing?) them to do their own research would be the
: better solution.

: Not wishing to cast a cloud on information seekers in general, the term
: "vulture" does come to mind for those that habitually cut into
: your daily productivity, fun stuff or otherwise.

: Spidey

Amen, brother! To use a cliche, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. It's possible to be nice, and helpful, AND maintain personal boundaries... some people just need to be trained (I once successfully trained my volunteer church secretary/head of the women's organization/church custodian that it was NOT okay to call me about church business on my day off. She'd called me one Monday at 7:00 a.m. to tell me that she'd gotten the Christmas tree for the church --in case someone was wondering if we had one yet-- I had been asleep. She asked, "did I wake you up?" I said that she had, and that Mondays were my day off, so I had been intending to sleep in. Her next question was, "oh. What time should I call you on Mondays?" I took that opportunity to explain the difference between an *emergency* when it it okay to call me anytime, day or night, and normal business things, which should wait until normal office type hours. If I hadn't done that, I would have continued to get phone calls from her on my day off until I moved! (I even got a few calls from her AFTER I moved!)

My rule of thumb -- if it is not an actual emergency, and if it is a matter that will take more than five minutes to resolve, I make an appointment with them for a more convenient time. And for those of you for whom 'helping anybody in sight with anything they need help with that you know how to do' is *not* officially or unofficially part of your paid job description.... you may need to figure out how much time each week you can devote to that and stick to it... and when you reach that limit of time/energy, refer them to other sources of help! (and don't feel guilty about doing it.) Some people will "get it" after one time.... but others will keep trying, testing you to see if you mean it. Be consistent. If you cave in to them, you will be stuck. You will have given them permission to take advantage of you. And they will.

In my life, I stay pretty clear about this-- I have to. I live in a parsonage next to the church, and I am essentially "on call" for emergencies all the time. So... I answer the phone whenever it rings, (that's why my phone in the shop is coated with epoxy drips), BUT I discourage drop-in visitors at the house, AND, when I'm doing 'my stuff' if it's not an emergency that requires my immediate attention, or something that can be resolved very quickly, I make an appointment for later... or refer them to the kind of help they really need.

Some people also think that any problem they are having is a crisis requiring your immediate attention, which, of course, is not the case. The trick is to respond appropriately to the problem at hand, but not get caught up in their anxiety about the problem (e.g. there's a big difference between a neighbor running over to say, "I have a broken pipe and my basement is flooding and I can't get the water valve shut off, can you help me?" and "my computer isn't working and I can't email my sister!" In some people's minds, both of those things are equal crises, generating lots of anxiety. Obviously, they aren't.... by responding appropriately to the problem and not the anxiety level, it's possible to be a good neighbor AND have a life of your own.)

(The Rev) Julie Kanarr... climbing back down off her soapbox.