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Re: Other: Self-rescue
By:Robert N Pruden
Date: 4/19/2013, 2:19 am
In Response To: Other: Self-rescue (ancient kayaker)

I've given my response some thought and come up with a rocket science approach to a possible solution which sorta kinda kills two birds with one er, can...of Guinness. Since I also do not roll a kayak, you have, um, given me some food for thought. I also happen to have too much time on my hands because I have mostly been stuck in a cheap motel in a small northern Alberta city and have been on standby, which means I wait and wait and wait until I get the call to work. Now um, you are upside down in your kayak, presumably while on the water, a tsunami has knocked you over and you need to get back up into a more suitable breathable position. You aren't feeling very calm about your situation but, having been in situations before, you know that you have limited time to act. This is where bird #1 gets killed. You need to open up your deck bag where you keep your emergency tins of Guinness, take one, shake it vigorously, point the top of the can in the direction you need to roll up on, then open the can only partially. Remember to lean back while using the directed foaming force so that your center of balance is as low to the deck as possible. As the kayak rolls up, you will see daylight again, do not be startled or you might overshoot your goal to stay upright. Now, as you see daylight and as the kayak is settling in nicely upright and you are still laying back over the rear deck with water dripping from your beard, pull the tab back on the can all the way and enjoy a long pull from it. If necessary, this propulsive action may be performed with two cans of Guinness for a more rapid rolling action as the rolling forces will be doubled. If you do accidently overshoot your goal, try this procedure again until you get it right.

Ok, now what was I doing before I responded to your message? Oh yes, I was twiddling my thumbs and dreaming of a river with no ice covering it. Strangely, I am 6 hours further north than Edmonton and the rivers are open here...the river in Edmonton is still mostly froz*walks off stage grumbling to self*

Messages In This Thread

Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/18/2013, 9:42 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Paul Davies -- 4/18/2013, 11:47 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mike Bielski -- 4/19/2013, 12:13 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Robert N Pruden -- 4/19/2013, 2:19 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Robert N Pruden -- 4/19/2013, 2:24 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue *NM*
ancient kayaker -- 4/19/2013, 8:26 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Robert N Pruden -- 4/19/2013, 2:24 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Jay Babina -- 4/19/2013, 8:18 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/19/2013, 8:31 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mark Joyse -- 4/19/2013, 9:46 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/19/2013, 10:52 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Bill Hamm -- 4/21/2013, 3:52 am
Wet re-entry and roll
Sean Dawe -- 4/19/2013, 1:08 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Etienne Muller -- 4/19/2013, 4:00 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mike Bielski -- 4/19/2013, 9:58 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/20/2013, 9:54 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mark Joyse -- 4/20/2013, 10:39 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Sean Dawe -- 4/23/2013, 10:21 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mike Bielski -- 4/20/2013, 10:14 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Etienne Muller -- 4/21/2013, 3:31 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/21/2013, 10:07 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Bob Johns -- 4/20/2013, 1:38 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Etienne Muller -- 4/20/2013, 4:20 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Bryan Hansel -- 4/24/2013, 4:38 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
ancient kayaker -- 4/24/2013, 8:15 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Bryan Hansel -- 4/25/2013, 10:09 am
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Mike Savage -- 4/25/2013, 2:12 pm
Re: Other: Self-rescue
Bill Hamm -- 4/28/2013, 1:24 am