Christmas Poem dredged up from the Archives...not mine BTW

Submitted by Pruden17 on Thu, 12/19/2019 - 13:32

It isn't mine but it's good.

The Night Before Kayak Christmas

Southwind's adaptation of an old kayaker's verse

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the boathouse
Not a creature was stirring, not even a sea louse.
The sea socks were hung on the trailer with care,
In hopes that Saint Neptune soon would be there.

Our kayaks were lashed securely in their beds
While visions of paddle floats danced in their heads.
And Mama with her Synergy and I with my Feathercraft
Were planning out '04 trips, and full of laughs.

When out in the Bay there rose such a splashing
I stood on my cockpit to see who could be thrashing.
And what should my night vision goggles define
But an oversized Umiak, towed by dolphins divine.

I wielded my binocs with a hand adept,
And knew in a moment it must be Saint Nep.
More rapid that tide rips his dolphins they raced
And he whistled and shouted and threw a big brace!

Now Tibi! Now Shelley! Now Nigel and Dyson!
On Derek! On Wayne! Don't fall behind, Franko!
To the side of the dock! To the base of the ramp!
Ride the waves! Miss the rocks! Let's make this camp!

As he cracked with a bull kelp, they swam even more.
They first beached the boat, then tugged it further on shore.
And although they'd resent the name, I'm afraid,
It was a seal landing, those dolphins they made.

He was dressed in a dry suit, not too hard to source.
Whre on earth did he find it? - At Southwind of course!
A dry bag of goodies he had flung on his back.
He looked like a trip guide heading down the track.

He was chubby and plump ('Twould have been an annoyancy
for an amphibious diety to lack positive bouyancy.)
his hull shape was round and fairly soft in chine,
And the beard of his chin was white with dried brine.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his chore,
And filled everyone's sea socks- and dripped on the floor.
He sprang to his Umiak and closed the hatch lids.
And giving a nod down the boat ramp he slid.

He zipped his PFD and blew his storm whistle hard
And paddled away - after grabbin a dock card.
But I heard his exclaim,'ere they did skidaddle:
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good paddle!"

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I wounder did he learn that tobogan launch from Robert?

sage.

Merry Christmas, Y'all

Robert N Pruden

kayakwriter

Fri, 12/20/2019 - 00:28

Yeah, Robert, that isn't your poem. It isn't Southwind's either - at least most of it isn't. 

Here's the parody version of the Night Before Christmas I wrote from scratch in 2105. I posted it on my blog then:
https://philiptorrens.com/2015/12/17/the-night-before-christmas-kayakers-version/

The Night Before Christmas, Kayaker’s Version

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the boathouse,
Not a creature was stirring, no, not a sea-louse.
The sea-socks were hung by the Coleman with care,
in hopes that Saint Neptune soon would be there.

Our “minnows” were hammocked within the boat sheds,
while visions of paddle-floats danced in their heads.
And mama in her sprayskirt and I in my Nordkapp,
had just settled down for an overdue “nap.”

When out in the cove there arose such a splashing,
I slipped from my cockpit to see who could be thrashing.
And what should my night-vision goggles define
but an over-sized umiak, towed by sea-lions.

With a little old pilot, so drippy and wet,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nep.
More rapid than tide-rips his swimmers they sailored
And he whistled and shouted and sternly loud-hailered;

“Now, Randell! Now Washbourne! Now Nigel and Vixen!
On Derrick! On Winters! —No dirty tricks, Nixon!
To the side of the dock! To the base of the ramps!
Now stroke away! Stroke away! Stroke away tramps!”

As he cracked with a bull kelp, they swam even more.
They first beached the boat, then tugged it ashore.
And although they’d resent the name I’m afraid,
t’was a seal landing those sea-lions made.

He was dressed in a wetsuit, from his toes to his bean!
Where on Earth did he score all that red neoprene?
A drybag of goodies he had flung on his back.
And he looked like a portager hitting the track.

He was chubby and plump — ‘twould have been an annoyancy,
for an amphibious deity to lack positive buoyancy;
His hull shape was round and “softer” in chine,
and the beard of his chin was white with dried brine.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his chores,
And filled all the sea-socks (and dripped on the floors);
And laying a pogie atop of his lid,
And giving a nod, down the launch ramp he slid.

He sprang to his boat, blew a Fox-40 whistle
and away they all sailed, like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere they did skidaddle:
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a safe paddle!”

As a comparison reading will quickly reveal, someone ripped off my version. Aside from the overall similarity, there are whole passages and stanzas that are similar or identical. What are the odds that two separate writers would independently invent a made-up word like "annoyancy" for example? Or both use the rather obscure word "umiak"? I am certainly not claiming ownership of the idea of parodying The Night Before Christmas; lots of people have done that. I am saying that if someone's going to do a parody, they should have the honesty to write their own original version, and not plagiarize someone else's hard work.

End of sour grapes mode. Hope everyone has a great holidays and happy safe paddling in the New Year. 

 

JohnAbercrombie

Fri, 12/20/2019 - 13:38

Robert-

I had a look around the Archives and couldn't find the post by Southwind.

 

Do you have a link to it?

 

Thanks, and Merry Christmas!

kayakwriter

Fri, 12/20/2019 - 15:28

So I've now remembered that I originally posted my version of the Night Before Christmas years and years back on the old paddling.net forums* (I don't know if anyone here would remember those forums, with John Winter's excellent insights and "Sponson Tim's" muppet flails and flame wars.) This would explain how a mutated version of my poem could appear in the other forums years before I posted it on my blog. Kind of a pity: I was excited about the possibility of someone having travelled back in time!

*If anyone has more time and tech savy than I do, you might be able to find the original posting via the wayback machine at https://archive.org/web/

 

 

http://www.kayakforum.com/cgi-bin/Building/archive.pl/bid/12/md/read/id/96421/sbj/other-a-little-poem-i-recieved-at-a-work-party/

 

Ain't no one ever claimed this as their own, just passed it around as found from one site to another. On that note, someone got ahold of one of my poems and used it to accompany one of her posted images. I have no idea how she found it, likely she asked me to use it and I agreed. My words really do go with her imagery. She did give me the proper credit as well. Wouldn't have mattered to me, I keep all originals of my writing dated and in the original ink pen hand writing, as I an wont to do.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ranchdoll/1359866792/in/photostream/

Robert N Pruden