My Mother the Gnome
The phone rang at 0800h. It was mom. She was calling to tell me that today was a go. I groaned at the receiver end of the phone, “Ohhhh, noooo! Not today. I’m having such a good, deep sleep; I’m all cuddled under a warm quilt, I dowanna go up today,” I whined. “I know, Bobby,” she said, “I was, too!” “Get ready to go; we have to be there in one hour.” I grunted. “You’re still picking me up, aren’t you?” she asked. “Yeah, I’ll come and get you, mom.”
That is how the morning of November 28, 2005 started. I staggered out of my bed and wandered over to the computer, trying not to trip over toes: my brain stem hadn’t booted up enough of my brain to get them functioning perfectly. I calculated that I had to be out the door in no less than 15-minutes to get to mom’s house with time enough to beat it down to the Valley Zoo where the launch was to happen. Mom was excited about her first launch and I was somewhat nervous about it myself. You never know how a newbie is going to react during a first launch.
I forced one leg in front of the other as I felt along the walls towards the shower. I set the water temperature to somewhat warm to hot and stepped in. I savored the feel of warming water coursing over my body, massaging my morning grogginess away. I leaned a small part of my shoulder on the tile wall and waited for my body heat to warm it up a little before I leaned more of my shoulder upon it. Just as I was relaxing my body firmly against the wall someone on another floor using the same hot water line turned on the shower in another apartment. Suddenly I was wide awake and swearing as cold water suddenly engulfed my body, tightening relaxed skin and causing blood vessels to shut down to protect my bodies inner core from sudden cold. *#@!!*^# As usual, I had no gasp response but man, did I errrrrr…react. I reset the water temperature to somewhat hot and exited the shower after only one minute.
I checked the time on my alarm clock while hastily dressing for today’s launch. I dressed in layers to ensure adequate warmth. The temperature outside was -10C with a NNW wind blowing at 15 km/hr creating a wind chill factor of -17 C. Normally, I would stay inside and stay warm but my mom really wanted this launch to happen so I had to go for it. Ordinarily I wouldn’t head out to paddle in weather quite so chill but my mom is 72 years old and itching to go out. I couldn’t call myself a somewhat tough and seasoned paddler if I let a 72 year old woman see me up on a day like today. Still, for an old gal, her first launch on such a day certainly cemented my idea that she is a tough minded person when she wants to be. I knew that the river was starting to freeze over because I saw icy water lilies floating on it the day before.
When I got outside the wind seemed relatively calm. I started the van and waited for it to warm up while I cleared the passenger seat of the stuff I usually throw on it during my working days. Some days the seat has plumbing fittings on it, other days empty bags tossed on it after a lunch at McD’s Drive-Thru. Today it had one of my plaid flannel jackets and a hat. I tossed the jacket and hat on the floor between the seats and made a weak effort to brush off the coating of dust that always seems to layer itself on everything in the van. When I bought the van it had a layer of dust on everything inside and even after cleaning it, the dust is still there.
I drove straight to a Tim’s and bought a large double cream then headed to mom’s place. She was at the door waiting when I got there. She was dressed in the layered protective clothing we talked about the night before. Nothing was going to daunt her today. I showed her the hat that Donnie gave me the day before. It had “Waters Dancing” embroidered in writing on one side and its color was Rescue Red. Donnie thought I should have Rescue Red: damned if I know why he’d think that. No matter: mom accepted my offer to let her wear the hat. She put it on immediately. I didn’t tell her that she looked like a gnome wearing it. You have to know: she stands not a spit more than 4’11” so wearing a bright red hat that gives her the aura of a cone head creates a gnomish appellation. Hee! Hee! She hasn’t seen the picture of her wearing this hat so y’all are the first to see my mom, the Gnome.
I had two kayaks on the roof of the van when I picked her up: we chatted about them and the launch. One of the boats was a Perception Caroline, a nice little 14’ter. I didn’t think it was the best day to get the boats on the water. Mom thought only of the launch ahead and hoped we’d get our money’s worth when it was all said and done. Deep down inside, I believe my mom would have been a wonderful explorer. She has this amazing spirit to try new things. She talked about her trip to Thailand two years ago where she tried para-sailing. I looked at her short stature and thought to myself: here is a true adventurous spirit. She doesn’t think – she trusts and just goes out and does it. 
I think the best way to handle this write up is to do the photo essay thing again. It’s not that I am becoming a lazy writer. It’s that I love surprises. Suffice it to say that today’s adventure went very well. Unfortunately, the one hitch was that I left the headlights to the van on while we were gone so that when we got back, the battery was dead and the van wouldn’t start. Well, the launch went well and that is all that was important.
I hope you enjoyed the write up and pictures as much as I enjoyed doing the trip and subsequent writing.
Robert N Pruden
