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Funny, OT, Ark building 2001 (boats oif sorts)
By:Paul G. Jacobson
Date: 8/31/2001, 1:01 am

For those who think they have too many problems with building their boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-amiled to me.
It is a sign of the times.

It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to
Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole
earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want  you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the  earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the
Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring
everything  aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all  the
seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his
front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please
forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply
with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw  the plans. Then
I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed  a fire
sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming
I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I
had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems
getting enough wood for the Ark,because there  was a ban on cutting trees to
protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced  the U.S. Forest Service that I
needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service
won't let me catch any owls. So,  no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals,   I got
sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking  two of each
kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA  notified me that I
could not complete the Ark without filing an  environmental impact statement
on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the
Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new flood plain. I sent
them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve  a complaint filed with the
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am  practicing discrimination
by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice 
from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the
Ark as a recreational water craft.

" Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the
earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't
think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A
rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you  are
 not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."


Messages In This Thread

Funny, OT, Ark building 2001 (boats oif sorts)
Paul G. Jacobson -- 8/31/2001, 1:01 am
Re: Funny, OT, Ark building 2001 (boats oif sorts)
Dale Frolander -- 9/2/2001, 3:20 pm